Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Sorry Blog

Since I feel no need to bother actual people with this junk, I'll bother you.

F*** F*** F***


I'm so freaking tired :( Not only am I trying to grow a baby and keep said baby in me, my poor other baby (daughter) is sick :( I've been up with her in the middle of the night two nights in a row to give her a bath to help her feel better because of this random fever she has :( AND she's getting up early on top of it. Cranky as all heck when she doesn't get what she wants, but thankfully fine otherwise.

My son, who is fantastic usually, doesn't want to listen to a gosh darn word I say. I can tell him to do things until I'm blue in the face, but he knows I can't (am not ALLOWED!!!) to pick him up and cart him off to his room if he's not listening. :| I feel as though he is taking full advantage and I am frustrated by this to no end. Not to mention the crying. He knows I can stand it, so he'll scream like a baby. Inevitably when my other baby is taking a break from screaming at me.

UGH!!! WTF is wrong with my kids??? Who took my real ones and when well they return??? I miss my well behaved babies. *cries*

Okay, so they're mostly good, but still. On top of no sleep, God awful heartburn, financial worries, pregnancy worries, whatever else there is that my brain can't remember..... ugh..... :( I want some sleep. I want some time to not think. I know it's futile. I know it won't happen. I don't really want it to happen, and I know I can get through it all. I just need to get it out. Feel like it went somewhere anyhow. I miss being easy going. I feel like an grouchy old biddy.


Thankfully I have a place to get this all out and spare the children that I truly do adore and the husband that I do as well.

They are wonderful and they do so much to make me smile and laugh. I am very thankful for them too.

Oh and a piece of good news :)

We had an ultrasound yesterday and my cervix grew. I did not know that could happen. I was just praying that it didn't shorten anymore. I'm back up to 3 cm, which is normal and great. Baby is weighing in at an estimated 2 lbs 5 oz. That's half of Lily's birth weight!

Thank God.

I've been trying to take it easy physically, so I'll continue to do so and perhaps that will keep this baby until she's ready to meet us.

Thank you blog, once again, for being here for me to shed some emotion.

At least I ended on a positive note this time :)

I don't want to forget or pass by all that truly is positive. There is so much of it.


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